So the question I want to write about this week, is how do we live in what we don't want? In the New Thought world that I have spent most of my adult life studying, they say to give no power or energy to the disease and only affirm health and wellness. I understand where they are coming from, but when I was so tired that I could not make sentences or so cold that the hottest shower couldn't warm me up, there was no affirmation that could be peace to the experience for me. Affirmations usually made me push against the fatigue, which only caused frustration and anger for me. Then there is the spiritual idea that circulates that says everything happens for a reason. This train of spiritual thought brings me to a place where I am constantly asking why is this happening to me? I cannot come up with an answer to that question It happened. I didn't deserve it. I certainly didn't do anything wrong. It is frustrating when you are living in something you do not want, knowing you deserve better, yet you still have to deal with living in it not knowing if it will ever pass.
There are three possible lessons that I have learned from living in what I don't want. The first is that fatigue showed me who I really wanted in my life. Nothing clears out toxic relationships faster than being too tired to engage in them anymore. The second thing I learned is compassion for suffering. People suffer. I know what it is like to suffer, and it makes me relate to the suffering of others on a level I couldn't before. I have more compassion for someone having a bad day because I don't know what is in their life that they are struggling with.
The most important lesson I learned was acceptance. Acceptance does not mean that I didn't try to get well, but acceptance meant that I stopped struggling with it. It is so hard to accept the thing you didn't want in your life. It is probably one of the hardest life lessons I have ever learned. But it is through acceptance that we cease to struggle, and it is the struggle that brings the experience of so much suffering to the situation. What ever we resist, persists. The more I struggled with fatigue, the more I suffered having the experience of it.
So my questions this week are:
1. What is in in your life that you don't want?
2. What are the lessons you have learned from it?
3. What do you wish would happen with the situation?
4. Have you suffered from the situation? What are those feelings?
5. What would acceptance of the situation look like for you? Do you have resistance to accepting it?
6. What would it look like to accept the situation and still move toward what you want to happen?